<!--
// (C)2006 hnldesign.nl
// This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 2.5 License. 

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var Victim = new Array("A man in a squirrell suit (with tits)", "A drug-abusing businessman", "A drunken barmaid", 
"A butterfly collector", "An architect", "An fbi-agent", "A bouncer", "A movie star", "A nun, on her day off,",
"A Waffle Salesman from Detroit", "A rodeo star", "An ex American Football player", "A former governor",
"A fat administration clerk", "An ageing homosexual fashion designer", "A retired music hall promoter from Bristol",
"An artist formerly known by another name", "A retarded old man" )

var Loc = new Array("in a Las Vegas hotelroom", "in a city park", "in a basement" ,"in a dark alley", "at a Bar Mitzvah",
"on the roof of a desert motel", "in an abandoned toy factury", "during a commercial break", "in a public swimmingpool", 
"in the middle of the day", "standing on the ledge of the 112th floor of an appartment complex")

var Death = new Array("is killed" , "is heavily maimed and then killed", "is brutally murdered", "is killed in cold blood")

var Killer = new Array("a clown", "a slender lorris", "a crackhead", "a bengal kitten", "an army officer",
"a jealous painter & decorator" ,"an 18 year old computer whizz from Ohio", "a drunken old lady",
"a star trek fan", "a mentalist", "a fundamental buddhist", "a tame mandrill" , "a catholic priest", 
"a man who thinks he's jesus", "an underrated ghostwriter", "a frustrated ICT administrator", 
"the admin of a large online community", "a retarded old woman")

var Weapon = new Array("using spray glue", "with a milk carton", "using an ice pick" , "with a nailgun" ,
"using a large cellphone", "wielding a cement filled condom", "using a dead duck", "using a phallus shaped stick",
"with a corrugated cardboard briefcase", "using a paint roller", "using 2000 litres of liquid latex",
"using a powerful toilet plunger", "feeding the victim stale cupcakes", "using a triple barreled shotgun",
"using a chained nipple piercing, choking the victim", "using an acid-filled watergun", "using napalm grenades",
"using assorted vegetables", "using a remote controlled Steven Seagal", "using Alan Carr jokes",
"using David Hasselhoff's best-of album", "using a spastic trout found in a local pond", "using a manhole cover",
"by reading a Danielle Steel novel out loud")

var Found = new Array("!leeg!", "!leeg!", "!leeg!", "!leeg!", "!leeg!", "!leeg!", "!leeg!", "!leeg!", 
"The victim was found drifting in a river.", "The victim was found tied to a fencepost.", 
"The victim was never found.", "There was no trace of the perp.", "The victim was eventually found stuck in a toilet.",
"The victim is eventually found hanging on a clothes peg in Marks & Spencers.")

var Invest = new Array("a careful examination of pubic hair found at the scene", 
"a careful examination of the evidence gathered by a supersonic vacuum cleaner", "a spectacular car chase scene", 
"a careful examination of the weapon used, aided by loud drum'n'bass music", 
"examination of the security tape, using a yet-to-be-invented pixel enhancer", "a few commercial breaks", 
"some dull dialogues and flashy montages", "after some extensive shots of David Caruso putting his sunglasses on and off",
"thorough questioning of some random bypassers", "a stroke of pure genius by the agents involved", 
"extensive, flashy and up-beat laboratory tests on random pieces of evidence", 
"inspection of the weapon using ultrasonic phase rays with enhancing image detectors",
"intense scrutiny of a piece of indeterminable fabric",
"carefully rebuilding a 300dpi image of the perp from the reflection in a gold tooth using MS Paint",
"deep analisys of evidence found in the stomach contents of a dung beetle retrieved from the scene",
"extremely intense testing of haemmeroid samples found at the scene", 
"long and dull inspections of sprays of semen found on the floor and walls")

var Relationto = new Array("were lovers", "were co-workers", "apparently dated the same man", "were both completely insane",
"turned out to be related", "had no relation but were both obsessed by Lego", "were brothers in a previous life", 
"also had aids", "were both terminal patiens", "used to be married", "were classmates", "were highschool sweethearts",
"had the same strangely formed mammary glands")

var n=0
var m=0
var l=0
var k=0
var t=0
var r=0
var i=0
var s=0

function CsiMe()
{ 
m=Math.floor(Math.random() * Invest.length); 
Invest2=Invest[m]

{ 
n=Math.floor(Math.random() * Found.length); 
Found2=Found[n]
}

{ 
l=Math.floor(Math.random() * Death.length); 
Death2=Death[l]
}

{ 
k=Math.floor(Math.random() * Loc.length); 
Loc2=Loc[k]
}

{ 
t=Math.floor(Math.random() * Relationto.length); 
Relationto2=Relationto[t]
}

{ 
r=Math.floor(Math.random() * Weapon.length); 
Weapon2=Weapon[r]
}

{
i=Math.floor(Math.random() * Killer.length);
Killer2=Killer[i] 
}

{ 
s=Math.floor(Math.random() * Victim.length);
Victim2=Victim[s]

if (Found2=="!leeg!") {
				document.getElementById('novel2').innerHTML=""+Victim2+" "+Death2+" by "+Killer2+", "+Weapon2+", "+Loc2+". After "+Invest2+", the perp is caught. The vic and the perp "+Relationto2+".";
				return false
					} else {
				document.getElementById('novel2').innerHTML=""+Victim2+" "+Loc2+" "+Death2+" by "+Killer2+", "+Weapon2+". "+Found2+" After "+Invest2+", the perp is arrested and tried. The vic and the perp "+Relationto2+".";
				return true
					}
			}
		}	
// -->